Feelings Today

Well, my feelings today are bad. My "master" chose not to come home last night. Am I being punished still? Shouldn't I know if I am?

He is with a person I do not like and do not trust. A person who wishes him to leave me for her. A dishonest, cold hearted, nasty whore of a person who he says he is not seeing.

So where does that leave me. With anger, sadness, hurt, incredible pain and sorrow at another betrayal. The same betrayal. What do I do about it? I don't know - carry on, clean the house, do the gardening, stay calm. That's best for me - stay calm. I have to cleanse myself of the anger. He calls her Skinny Bitch - I think I'll call her - skanky whore pig. Skinny bitch he calls her. She is a - self-centered, rude, disrespectful, indifferent, careless whore pig.

He said he was up all night fighting (with her I assume). Why would he choose to do that instead of coming home to me? Why is he spending the day with her still - if that's true.

I am concerned about him - how he's feeling. I don't understand why he continues to see her and fight all night and then spend the day with her too!! He fights with her and she gets rewarded. He fights with her and I get punished.

I'll wait and see what he has to say when he gets in later.

I'm going to have a bath and relax. Meditate - get rid of the anger and try to imagine how he is feeling right now. Forget about how I'm feeling- I can always get the anger back - that's easy. Think about how he might be feeling and wait to see what he says.