New Restraints

For some reason it seems difficutl for me to actually talk about my feelings here instead of just recounting experiences - I have to try to focus on that.....

So my master gifted me with four new rings to tie me to. Legs spread, arms apart - standing. I like the feeling of the ropes when he ties them around my wrists and ankles - the thought of being restrained seems to turn me on - which is weird cause I used to be claustrophobic when anyone restrained my arms! I can't explain it.

He used me very very well - and he gave me permission to cum - so I did, many times. It was really nice and there was a moment where I felt very connected to my master in a way I haven't for a while because of other stresses going on in our lives.

I think he enjoyed it, I think he likes using me and stuffing me and making me squirt - he let me suck his cock too - I know he enjoys that! But I feel a little guilty - like I'm enjoying it too much and him not enough maybe?? My job as his slave is to see to his pleasure at all times - I love to make him feel good - I love to hear him moan in pleasure - I need to do more to make him happy.

He's discovered that maybe I could be going through some manic depressive tendancies - again - lots of stress lately - I love that he's taking care of me and looking out for me - but I feel like I'm falling short of my goal to please him because I'm the one getting the care here. He's under all the same stress I am - in some ways - even more - so how can I best take care of him???

I suppose by doing that which is sometimes the most difficult for me! Leave him alone and let him be...... this is a little troubling because too much "letting him be" can lead to him feeling not cared for! How do I find the happy medium - so I'm looking after his pleasure so that he feels I am taking care of him and not either being overbearingly motherly to him - or overbearingly sexual or neglectful through trying to give him his space???????

I love him. He loves me. I have to have faith in that and stay stable and real. This is a challenge for me. Is this the mania and/or depression? or is this normal? What's normal? Wow - thinking in circles a little - like my master says - I over think somethings sometimes - just keep talking to him honestly - keep paying attention to everything and take it one day at a time.

Today, even though some stressful things happened - my master and I were together on them and dealing with them and I feel happy. I hope that he is too. I think so. One day at a time.