OK, so....

Through the process of discovering that I was interested in exploring my submissive side we've been under a crazy number of different and urgent concerns. I've experienced a fairly serious depression ( I believe) and I am feeling better now but every time I begin to feel hope that we are both starting to change our habits we've developed under those stresses, I am disappointed again.

I truly feel really really frightened for my master (aka husband). He is pulled in so many directions and, allowing himself to be spread too thin and feeling more stress because he is not doing many of them particularly well. I'm completely guilty of doing exactly the same thing. I'm trying to do better and focus more. He's actually made himself sick now and he NEVER get's sick.

Anyway, I want to show faith in my master, (aka husband) and wanted to encourage him to be the man I know he is by allowing him be the master - in real life as a senior partner and as my beautiful, loving Dominating Master at home. I get really excited by the idea of giving myself entirely over to him. The rope makes me wet! Having him control me and do anything he wants to me is incredible. I WANT so badly to trust and have faith in him - because it's fuckin hot! and I want so BADLY for him to know that he is worthy of the trust and faith I want to have in him.

So, I feel badly for my master - I hate seeing him like this. I love him so much and I'm trying to be the best wife and friend and lover I can be in a supportive and realistic way. I hate not being able to trust my master to do what he says and be honest with me.

That's enough for now - but maybe this blogging thing isn't so bad afterall. My Master's orders are good for me - when I listen to him and do as he says more faithfully, I feel better. I know he loves me - he takes so much trouble to tell me how to behave.

I hope that when my Master reads this, that he can understand that I love him truly and trust him implicitly, that's why it's so difficult for me to be in situations where he doesn't follow through on things.

K, that really is enough for now! Master would say - "You're overthinking - calm down."

All I can do right now, is wait to see what happens tonight and tomorrow. (many things that MUST be done!)