Again with the Feelings!

I had to repost this here - I accidently put it in the wrong thread.

For some reason that I only occasionally (ok, a little bit more than occasionally) understand, we have a difficult time communicating. We just seem to rub each other the wrong way a lot of the time. Too much history.

I have to much angst I guess - I agree some of the time, but I also believe that my master has his own brand of inner anger toward me and he won't admit it. He has enabled me and continues to enable me to see myself truly and admit to the anger and resentment and irritations that I have been allowing to accumulate within me. I have been an angry person. I tend toward it. I do not like it.

I can be a little high maitenance! For god's sake look at me! LOL. I want to be able to drop stronge loving hints of how my lover might please me or how we may be able to have some fun together. And I kinda feel like this could be so much easier if my master would take a little better care of me. OUCH! I'm gonna get punished for that one! No, he loves me, I know he does. I can't imagine why he'd still be around if he didn't quit honestly! I know it's because I love him to the core that I'm still around too. We're both still around. That's nice, its' because we both care.

I feel so ready to work and achieve and build and laugh and love. I've been so low lately. I have felt and continue to often feel, very, very lonely.

I am manic depressive or depressed or something. The vitamins help and I really want to be happy, I am happy now. I feel happier than I have in a long long time. I hope I can do a better job of making my master feel the same way. He has been happy with me in the past - many many times. I so badly want to feel his love. His tender love. and then I want him to spank me and pinch my nipples!

So......, I guess in the mean time - till he learns to trust me again to be the person that he can be happy with as partners and lovers and friends; I settle for the really hot sex. But I will always have an ulterior motive. I want to keep my husband and my family together at all costs really. Plus, I just love him. and the sex is REALLY REALLY good.

K, no more wallowing or "overthinking" - moving on to good sex. Master awaits me in the hot tub (at least I hope he awaits me) I don't think he'll kick me out. :P

M