Being a Good Wife to a Good Husband

I feel right now like I have to prove myself trustworthy. My master / husband felt quite betrayed by my dereliction of duty in our business - I was depressed and could have done with some support - but he was under a great deal of stress himself and not really in a position to offer it I guess. I was in my own dark world anyway.

So, he said to me a little while ago when we were discussing/arguing about pig whore - that I need to worry about myself. It's true. I need to consentrate on being the best person I can be regardless of my circumstances and outside conditions or other people.

I am a good person, I am happiest at home, taking care of my home and my family. I need to deal with the bullshit that is life and still be that happy, good person. I love my husband. I love my master - I want to be his worthy slave for life. I will be patient and kind and understanding and supportive of him to get our shit together whether his behaviour makes my happy or not.

I will be a queen to his king. I will always be there for him whatever other choices I make.

For a little while I was thinking that maybe I was fooling myself with this sub thing. Maybe I'm not really a sub at heart but I might only be in it for the control any good slave has over her master - he desires her - he requires her.

But it's more than that, I'm fairly certain. I feel my greatest ease when I am doing as he wishes - even, strangely when it's not what I necessarily want for myself. But, for the most part, if I listen well to what he says and try to do as he says, I feel better. I have to be patient though so he has time to see that a change is in the making. I have been a quick to anger, reactive person. I have allowed myself to react to things when I need to consider them calmly to make good choices. So, I am a sub - I desire for him to be my master. I think he likes being my master but he won't become trapped by it. I have to recongize that his pleasure in being my master comes as much from the real life part of it as the play part of it. And I have to grow in the pleasure that comes from pleasing him.

Cool.